Using Fear as a Springboard, Not a Trap

Summary: Parents of neurodivergent children need support too. Keeping communication open is key to a better connection between the child and their caregiver.

Parents of an autistic child often feel overwhelmed by insecurity and fear when they have to leave their child in someone else’s care while they work. They worry that the caregiver won’t know how to treat, understand, or protect their child. They may even feel that their child is a burden.

Magüi Moreno, a mindfulness coach, explains that this mindset prevents both parents and the child from developing their skills. “If we approach the situation with fear, distrust, or a negative and limited view of how our children will fare with others, it will be very difficult to connect with the right mental attitude to improve and expand experiences. This doesn’t mean leaving them with just anyone or being bad parents. We all need help.”

The specialist advises that “we need to work on minimizing risk and using fear as a springboard, not a trap.” The key is to focus on what can be controlled and what the child needs, rather than what the parent wants. This includes coordinating time, place, analyzing who will take care of the child, maintaining communication, and accepting what happens during the time of absence.

It’s important to remember that autistic children also evolve, albeit at a different pace. They gradually acquire communication and socialization skills, and their sensory needs change—they are not static. “Even if they’ve had negative experiences, they can try again. Don’t close yourself off to possibilities; look for extracurricular programs or group activities, and seek professionals who can help,” Magüi recommends.

Parents can explain guidelines to the caregiver that suit their child’s profile: don’t use physical punishment, limit technology use, avoid raising your voice, etc. It’s crucial to inform the caregiver about these specifics to form a team with them. Every process is positive with a compassionate and conciliatory attitude, keeping communication channels open.

To increase flexibility, it’s essential to work gradually, enhancing it in your child, yourself, and the caregiver. For example, you can start by leaving your child with someone else for an hour. Always stay vigilant; if you notice significant emotional or behavioral changes, or suspect mistreatment or abuse, avoid contact with that person.

It’s important to act objectively. Just because your child doesn’t share many details doesn’t mean they’re having a bad time. The goal is to learn, try new things, etc. Remember that throughout their life, your child will need to interact with different people and in various contexts.